甜蜜的邂逅

Dear Eva,

You were mad at me on the phone. I wonder if I push you way too hard
which inevitably stifles you. This is not something I expect to see.

You are inexcusably trying to escape from a serious relationship. I
told you that I planned to give you some time to think over about us,
then we can maybe miraculously fell in love again. But, I am also only
a human, I have the desire of being with you which is what love
sometimes can be.

I know this would certainly get backfired from you, but I am willing to
trade a little decency to exchange with the full open mind. I know you
don't want me to ask about your ex-boyfriend even I am you ex-ex.
However, in order to live the future without any doubt about the past,
I think we should talk about this more than just enough, that's the way
we can eventually have a stable relationship. You won't be afraid that
someday I might ask you again about him because we already face the
most fragile part of our bond.

The reason I am being such a prick, is that you still feel sorry for
him . You cried over the phone just for the cause that I asked whether
he call you again, which really stabbed me in the back. I am totally
scared that maybe one day he would fly to USA to see you. I can't
imagine if that day really comes and you still felt sorry for him and
want to see him again.

I am not a ill-tempered guy or crazy psycho who wants to kill you.
Seriously, I am not asking for revenge or anything that hurt you. If
there is a fault on me, I would say that I am a very selfish person
who want a hundred percent of you. And I won't stop until I am sure
you and me are on the same par.

The mistake we made could have been avoidable if we knew each other by
heart. I know you still don't admit that we are a couple now. The
doubt you still have about me crippled our progress.

I wish we can have more time talking. I began to feel that you don't
want to get too close with me, not even on the phone. You certainly
don't want me to come during the holiday weekends.

I don't know what to do. Shall I just stay quiet and act low and not
mentioning anything for how long that only God knows.

The last sentence you said before you hang up on me is "If you kept
doing that, we would never be together." Now I am stuck in the middle
of the bridge. I can pass over the bridge and being safe and happy, or
the bridge collapse and I get drowned. But I can't fall back because
that would only proves me a coward, and I am standing here brave enough
to witness whether you would love me back wholeheartedly.

I knew I love you when I saw you at the airport. But again my love
could mean nothing to you. You can possibly have a better life without
me and still moving forward. I can't that I know I'll be devastated.


Don't blame yourself for all of these, you are free and you can choose
whoever you want for your life. I am just getting tired, very tired
that I can no longer tell whether I am the best for you.

love

Barry